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Don Martin November 4, 2025 at 2:44 AM

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Fighting Fascism at Your Front Door

When was the last time you entered your home through your front door? It’s a question I’d never been asked before last year, when I spoke to a former city planner named Shari Phippen. We connected as part of my research for Where Did Everybody Go?, my upcoming audiobook, which explores what loneliness is, why it is, how we got so lonely, and where we go from here.

When I began that research, city planners and zoning laws weren’t really on my radar. I assumed the audiobook would focus mostly on affective science and pop sociology, explaining in-group/out-group dynamics to moms who listen to a lot of podcasts while waiting in the school pickup line (since my following on social media is mostly women in their 30s to 50s).

But Phippen helped me see that loneliness can also be about doors. Think of it this way: People living in homes with a front-entry garage usually don’t enter and exit from the front — they’re going through the garage. What that means is that many of us come in and out of our home with little to no contact with our neighbors.

The world is also, on balance, getting quieter. Matthias Mehl, Ph.D., a researcher I spoke to from the University of Arizona, conducted a major study that allowed him to track how much we talk to other people in our day-to-day lives. He told me that we’re “losing words.” Back in 2007, the average human spoke 16,000 words a day. Today, that number is down to 12,000 — and dropping at a rate of approximately 300 words a year.

When we feel bonded to our community, we feel like we matter.

What’s wrong with a little peace and quiet, you might ask? Fewer words spoken means less conversation is happening, which translates into fewer opportunities to build or maintain relationships with the people in your life. And that doesn’t just mean your family or friends (though we’re talking to them less frequently, too), but the barista at your coffee shop or the woman three mats over from you in your yoga class. Mehl told me that oftentimes those tertiary relationships — the chats with the barista or the yoga-mat neighbor — can make up a significant portion of our daily conversation, and they’re a key way we feel bonded to our community. Conversation helps to create and foster social bonds, and their absence is also felt as disconnection from community.

Social bonds are important for a number of reasons. When we feel bonded to our community, we feel like we matter. We’re no longer just individuals, but community members. The more connections we make with others, especially with people who don’t look like us or go to the church we attend or work in the same building, the more we can humanize and empathize with strangers. That means we’re more likely to see one another’s similarities, instead of our differences. This translates to not only feeling less lonely and more connected to those around us, but also serves to increase our overall level of social trust.

That concept of social trust, or the general faith in the moral goodness of your fellow man, means believing we’re all on the same team and have one another’s best interests in mind. The more social trust you have, the safer you feel in your community. Less of it means you’re more afraid of others and less willing to believe that people outside your immediate social circle have your best interests in mind. Think about it: In a moment of crisis, don’t you want to believe that those living, working, or going about their daily routine around you might have your back?

Phippen also spoke to me about the dreaded suburbanization of America, which has been discussed at length in social-science classics like Robert Putnam’s Bowling Alone. She helped me understand why the increase in isolation between our homes, businesses, and community spaces is a problem.

People often lament the loss of ‘third places,’ or the spaces outside of home or work where people in the community can gather and form vital social bonds. But where would you put one?

For starters, private property rights reign supreme in much of the country. What this means, Phippen told me, is that in the absence of deliberate decisions to make community or mixed-use spaces, all you’ll get are seas of houses. That’s weird, right? People often lament the loss of “third places,” or the spaces outside of home or work where people in the community can gather and form vital social bonds. But where would you put one? People often talk about Cheers, the eponymous bar from the TV show, as the platonic ideal of a third place, but can you imagine suggesting building a bar in your suburban community?

But it isn’t just bars that present a problem for many homeowners. People have become convinced that any business, park, or other public space will simply bring in noise, crime, or unhoused people daring to find shelter. That’s why we don’t see mixed-use buildings or spaces being created: Nobody wants to move in above, or next to, a grocery store or restaurant. If you’ve been in any newly constructed neighborhood — such as a subdivision or other suburban housing development — in the last decade or two, you’ve probably noticed a distinct lack of neighborhood hangout spots, laundromats, or even soccer fields. They consist of only houses, which make developers money, unlike parks. Sure, maybe these community spaces can be a little noisy, but noise also means life and laughter and connection.

The suburbanization of America creates and exacerbates disconnectedness, breaking down social trust. We aren’t physically near one another as much as we used to be — at least not in a meaningful way that fosters social connection. We’re in cars, taking our kids from our homes and dropping them off at their ballet class across town. We’re at home on a computer collaborating with coworkers who might not be in the same state. Even when we’re in physical proximity with other people, we aren’t talking to them as much as we once did, because of a combination of technology making individualism more convenient, and a general sense of fear which is bred by disconnection. In that ever-widening space between us, we’re becoming not just lonelier, but more afraid of one another.

People talk a lot about the division in our country right now, and they, of course, mean that politically. They’re referring to the tone and tenor of social media, the rhetoric we see on our screens, the us-versus-them mentality coming from politicians, billionaires, and influencers. But division starts in our communities. It begins with our physical distance from one another. It starts in our neighborhood, at our front doors.

Most of us can’t do much about what our neighborhoods look like in the short term. Maybe you, like a lot of people, live in a big sea of houses far away from places of business or entertainment. But we can do something about how we live.

If declining social trust and feeling disconnected from our community are linked, then the inverse is true as well. And the good news is that the solution is as simple as rebuilding our social bonds. To begin with, Phippen recommends using your front door: By adding in a few extra steps, by physically reintegrating ourselves into our neighborhoods, even for a few moments, we can begin striking up conversations with neighbors. We can start to look past our differences and celebrate our shared humanity.

It’s small moments like these that lead to building social trust, feeling more connected to our communities, and feeling less lonely. So when one of those influencers, billionaires, or even the president of the United States tells you to be afraid of your neighbor, you’re less likely to believe them. Because you do know your neighbor — maybe they show up at your front door for your weekly game night, or maybe they just offer a wave and a friendly greeting on your way home.

Either way, seeing the world through your front door empowers you to face each day knowing you are part of something bigger than yourself. A strong community that values you, that would notice and care about your absence, that checks in on you, and you, in turn, care for them. Less lonely neighborhoods and more connection keeps you and your loved ones safer, healthier, and ready for bright days ahead.

Don Martin is a New York Times bestselling author of nonfiction, poetry, and young adult fantasy. Most recently, he is the author and narrator of Where Did Everybody Go?, which combines his signature humor and thorough research into the social phenomenon of loneliness. He is also the host of the podcast Head On Fire, where he speaks to experts in overlooked or misunderstood fields. He lives just outside Chicago with his husband and their many, many pets. You can find him analyzing trending stories and news daily on TikTok @ByDonMartin and Instagram @ByDonMartin.

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